I recently had a change of life event and it is amazing how hard it is. I have developed a strong belief that I will attempt to align my life with what God wants for me and strive to pursue Him first and do what He wants me to do. As far as this change of life goes, I told God and others in my life that I won’t do anything as it pertains to this particular situation until God makes it clear what I am supposed to do. Well, God made it clear, events lined up perfectly and then I acted as I thought I was supposed to and then there is this great thing that happens and it is called second guessing. In my case, it’s not that the circumstances after the change made me think about whether I had made a mistake or that things became difficult, but just my own insecurity made me wonder about whether it was the right thing to do.

I am generally a creature of habit. I get great comfort and peace from routine and order. I think that this is a good thing because our God is a God of order and we should strive to maintain His order and general consistency in our lives. A personal problem that I have is that I get bored easily and I am always looking for something new to keep me energized. This has sometimes caused me problems because when I get bored I start something new in my life and then when other parts of my life require time and effort I then have too much on my plate. I struggle to stay within God’s will and I constantly wonder, even when it is obvious what God’s will is, whether what I am doing is what I am supposed to do. I also wonder about all the things that God might be trying to get out of my life. Not necessarily bad things, but things.

I think about the story of Gideon and it appears so obvious that God is leading him to His will and Gideon just keeps asking for more and more affirmation. I wonder about myself because when I look at that story I can’t help but think duh, Gideon when are you going to get it. But, then I think am I just like him and is this a problem with Christians in general? This is not the first time that this has happened. Every major decision in my life since I have been a Christian has involved painstaking prayer and God making His will obvious and then action and then the inevitable second guessing. It passes over time, especially when I get to see the future and what God was doing, but why does it have to happe

I think about all the great people in the Bible who, with probably more direct direction than me, second guessed God. The Israelites wanted to go back into slavery after a short time in the desert. The disciples walked with Jesus and were then surprised about His crucifixion even though He repeatedly told them it was going to happen. Elijah, immediately after watching God deliver him from the priests of Baal sat under a tree and wondered about God’s will and basically the future of His people. The list goes on and on, but I want to strive to focus on Him and push away circumstances from having any influence in my life. I think that I do focus on Him for the most part but I also think circumstances.have a major influence on my attitude.

A major part of the reason I made this life change was so that I could have the time to do other things that I feel the Lord wants me to do, specifically this blog. One issue that I have struggled with is that God lrd me to start writing several years ago and I just have not had the time to do it with where I was in life. So, I have second guessed this whole situation for almost two years. I had thoughts like maybe I was supposed to be writing anyway. Maybe I wasn’t where I was supposed to be and the second guessing went on and on. I wonder how much of this second guessing isn’t even a factor. Statistically, they say that up to 95% of what we worry about never even comes to reality. When I struggle with worrying I try to get back to basics and the basics are that the only thing that I am supposed to be worrying about is worshiping and following Him. Yes, we should be seeking God’s will, but I do not think that it is meant to he as hard as I sometimes make it. I think that there is a delicate balance between resting in Him and seeking His will. At the same time, I think that maybe we should be second guessing some of the things in our life and how devoutly we follow God and His will for our life.